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July 2, 2013
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I hold the world in my hands,
Watching as it dies.
So full of hatred,
And riddled with lies.

The trees beg to breathe,
The waters try to bring life,
But Death holds them down
And who holds the knife?

It is none other then Humanity,
With their pollution and wars.
Fighting one another
To settle the scores.

But the scores are unending,
The Love is gone,
For both the planet and each other,
And they suffer from the sun.

The source of life
We can't live without
Releases its rage
And will wipe everything out.

It's a play in my hands
And with the scene unchanging
Will have an unhappy ending.

I lay my palm over the tragedy,
I stifle the cries.
I had held the world in my hands,
And watched as it dies.
:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz::icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz::icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:

This was another older poem I found that I made a long time ago. 3 - 5 years? Maybe longer. I didn't really make any changes to this one, I like it, and I hope you do as well! It's basically concerning Global Warming, and I think I wrote it after watching a documentary or news channel that was discussing it.

Critiques Welcomed!
I'm always looking to improve on my writing, so constructive feedback is always appreciated! Just please keep in mind the difference between criticism and being plain insulting, just stating "it sucks!!!" doesn't really give enough information. Plus, it'll hurt my wittle fweelings~


Writing :iconkatsanovari:
Usage of this writing in any shape or form without permission is prohibited. If you wish to post this somewhere else, please note me about it first or comment on here. I'd really rather not have this posted anywhere else outside of dA, but depending on the situation I may grant permission to do so. If permission is granted, credit must be given to ~KatsaNovari for the work along with a link back to the original piece. If credit is not given, and especially if the person who has posted the work is claiming it as their own or has given no clear indication they have made it or not, then the work should be removed ASAP. Changing anything within the writing piece so you could claim it as your own is also prohibited.
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:iconthecappy:
thecappy Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very . Not bad.

I hope you don't mind me making a couple small suggestion for the last four lines.

Line 1: Switch out tragic for tragedy, it flows better and makes grammatical sense.

Line 3: the use of hand/hands is redundant, maybe say something like "I lay my palm over the tragedy."

Line 4: "and watched as it dies" - you switched tenses, I can understand why, though, dies flows better than died in how you wrote it.

this is how I would change it:

"I lay my palm over the tragedy // I stifle the cries, // I held the world in my hands // and watched it as it died."

keep up the awesome work! Hope you found this helpful!
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:iconkatsanovari:
KatsaNovari Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013   Writer
Thank you very much for the advice! ^.^

I do see your point for Line 1 and 3, and agree. Using 'palm' and 'tragedy' does sound better, I'll go ahead and switch those in. As for the last suggestion, "dies" was used purposely. It does flow better, but it was also because it was to indicated that the earth is still dying, it hasn't "died" yet :3
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:iconsekoiyastoryteller:
SekoiyaStoryteller Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013   General Artist
Oh, that's so sad! :( But well written, definitely! It actually reminds me of a poem I wrote once, with a similar theme, only it was actually a call out for extraterrestrial help. :XD: Anyway, good job! :)

(PS... how do you specify a font in literature here? I didn't know you could do that... :? )
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:iconkatsanovari:
KatsaNovari Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013   Writer
Thank you very much! ^.^

I found out sometime ago myself, and stuck with a style xD
Here's the code to use different fonts:

<font face= [insert font here]>


You don't need the "[ ]" brackets there, they're just to show where to type in the type of font you want. Here's one for changing the size, too:

<font size= [number here]>


Here's also a link for the different fonts you can use on dA!: [link]
Don't be fooled, though, it says "all fonts on dA" but there's actually a lot there that doesn't work, and doesn't include some you can use. But it gives a general idea at least ^.^
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:iconsekoiyastoryteller:
SekoiyaStoryteller Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013   General Artist
Oh, okay! Thank you for your help! :D
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:iconkatsanovari:
KatsaNovari Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013   Writer
Don't mention it! ^.^
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